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Monday, January 4th, 2010

booda

7:24p Yeah... so here is an update. While I read livejournal everyday I don't post here often. So I thought I would keep those of you who don't follow me on Twitter or Facebook up to date with me. Let's see... At the end of August I started having a pain in my hip/groin region. It was mostly just stiff and sore when I walked but got progressively worse. It was so bad that I couldn't walk, sit or lay down without being in so much pain I couldn't see. The only position I could put my body in that didn't cause me to scream in pain was laying on my stomach. Normally that is not a bad position but when you have to lay like that for weeks at a time it is really not fun. I decided after about 2 weeks of it not getting any better and 20-30 advil at a time not helping that I should prolly go to the doctor. The problem with that is I have been out of work for over a year so I don't have any chance of health insurance. This means that my only real choice is to go to Highland Hospital in Oakland. This becomes a major problem. With the pain I am in, I can't drive. There is no way to get there easily with public transit and my Mom will not drive on the freeway. So I have to beg for a ride. It takes me about a week before I can find someone who can drop me off there. I get to the ER and check in, I am short of breath, my heart rate is high, my blood pressure is higher. I am sweating so bad it looks like it is raining only on me. I almost pass out in the lobby. So of course it takes 5 1/2 hours to get a bed in the ER. Once I am in a bed they start doing tests and giving me pain meds. They start out with 1000mg of Vicodin. It does nothing. Then they move on to Morphine. It dulls the pain enough to nap for 15-20 min. Then they gave me Dilaudid. I was still in pain but I didn't notice so much cause I was really high. So after about 19 hours in a bed in the ER I finally get told I am going up into a room and will be there for a few days. It turns out they have no idea why I am in pain but I royally fucked up my Kidneys taking fist fulls of advil at a time. I spend 5 days in the Hospital. Luckily a few friends had come and visited me while I was there and I had my computer to watch movies on. I highly recommend The Hanna Montana movie while high on a Heroin-like drug. So I start to feel better, they think the pain was Gout in my hip, that is what they are treating me for. They can not give me a full diagnosis because I am too big to fit into the MRI machine. They send me home. That lasts about a week. The pain comes back quickly. It takes me another week to find a ride. They give me new meds and send me home. This time I am only in the hospital for the night. I did however see a guy get Maced. I was still in a lot of pain but I was able to function more. I could walk to the bathroom without crying. I saw a Rheumatologist, he says that not only do I not have Gout but that I have never had it. They start treating me for a swelling in my spine. The meds they give me for that gave me awesome Migraines and basically forced me to stay in bed 20 hours a day. So about a week later I can't walk again. This time it is my foot. I find a ride and head back to the ER. They do tests and can't believe that the Rheumatologist doesn't think that I have Gout since I have EVERY symptom. They do the definitive test where they stick a 3" long needle into my ankle and draw fluid to see if there are crystals. There were no crystals. This time I only spent 8 hours in the ER and got interviewed for a Documentary. You can see part of the interview here. http://whatruwaitingfor.com/blog/?p=475. I am still in pain. Somedays are better than others. They still are not sure what the problem is. I am on so many meds I rattle when I walk. One pill I only have to take 1 day a week, but I have to take that 6 times that day. My depression has not been great during this whole thing and the "relationship" with my mother has been better. Other than that things have sucked. I can't even begin to look for a job because I can't walk half the time. I am afraid to make plans to see people because I never know day to day if I am going to be able to go anywhere. I spent New Years Eve and Day in bed Crying. Most of my contact with people is online. So that is where I am at.

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sagebearz

3:08p T.I.Ps.!!! Salutations Irregulars! It is time to gather at the round table in a new year! E gads its 2010! I can’t wait for the flying car and jet pack jokes to fade into the distance. I for one would love matter transportation and food replication as high on my sci-fi wish list. However I think a lunar base is more feasible at this point. I will be arriving at Shari's later than usual. I am working until 7:00 pm, and then I have to hall my carcass to Shari’s so I will see you when I see you. As always if you make it to the table or not you are in our thoughts and in our hearts. Love Shawn “Read, every day, something no one else is reading. Think, every day, something no one else is thinking. Do, every day, something no one else would be silly enough to do. It is bad for the mind to be always part of unanimity.” — Christopher Morley

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Sunday, January 3rd, 2010

kailara

9:29p Thrills and excitement Accomplishments for today include putting new (functional) spring hinges on the garage door from the laundry room, hanging a new bell on the front door, finding a spot for my windchimes, pulling pictures off my camera and doing dishes. I live the most exciting life EVER. =)

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Friday, January 1st, 2010

kailara

9:13p Hello 2010 Welcome new year...so far we're off to a good start. Spent part of my day helping Fallen and BettyBaker move to their new home (yay purple!) and I have successfully cleaned the house such that it no longer looks like I held a bacchanal frat party gathering last night.* There are wine glasses on the counter, washed and waiting a return to their home. Floors are vacuumed and mopped. Chairs are generally relocated to where they belong. It feels good. Starting the new year clean - purged of the dirt of 2009 and ready to start fresh. I have a wall of good memories to type up at some point as well. Keshian was truly inspired about that idea. After a rough end to the year, it felt really good to focus on the positive things that have happened, and there is some really awesome stuff up there. As with last year, I was a bit selective in my guest list and it seems to have worked out to a good balance. I really do love starting the year off with the FamDamily. I'm very very lucky to have such wonderful, amazing, talented people in my life and I wouldn't trade for anything. So here we are - 2010 ... the purported future. I must remember to find SallyRose a monolith. :P I hope everyone else out there was lucky enough to start the year doing something they enjoy with people they love. I have a lot of hope for 2010. There's going to be some rough spots. I know this already. But I also know that we'll get through them and I have people I can lean on when I need to. And I know that along with those rough spots there's going to be a lot of joy, and a couple unexpected second chances. Thank you all for helping me get to where I am and here's to making each year better than the one before. * Edited To Add: You know you had drunk people in the house when your grocery list indicates that you are in desperate need of penis, stingray skin, virgin blood, light of 1,000 stars and jackalope horns. Maybe I shouldn't have struck off "frat party". :P I'm not sure about the stingray skin, but I believe I have suppliers for all of the rest, so if those of you who updated the list are really in need, let me know... current mood: hopeful

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Thursday, December 31st, 2009

sagebearz

6:22p Laughter Pain Work Pain Fellowhship Pain Love Pain Fear Pain Hope Pain Inspiration Pain Life Do it now. It is not safe to leave a generous feeling to the cooling influences of the world. Thomas Guthrie

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rosered32

2:26p From the desk of James Wanless.. I like it! (This was done using his Voyager Deck...awesome!) The Science and Steps to Making Changes for yourself (And how to keep those pesky Resolutions this year!) THE SCIENCE OF MAKING CHANGES As a "change agent" by my tarot coaching work, I've always pondered how do we most effectively transform. One way is through the traditional NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION. This works by doing the following, which is based on my personal experience, recent studies of human behavior, and the tarot's archetypal map of life. THE SCIENCE OF KEEPING "RESOLUTIONS" We all have the best of intentions of changing something in our lives, but how often do we actually keep them? Only 19% of people stick to their New Year's vows for two years. But the simple act of making a resolution improves your chances by a factor of 10! Golden Rule for Keeping Your Resolution: (Fool Child) IT'S YOUR APOTHEOSIS Recognize that your resolution is your destiny. Your nature is pulling you towards fulfilling your potential (apotheosis) by keeping your resolve. Surrender to this "future pull" and let the flow take you along. It's easier than we have been taught. Let go and don't get in the way by working hard and thinking it's only you that is at work here. There's a much bigger life force at work. Your resolution is your spiritual path and practice. First rule for Keeping Your Resolution: (Magician) ANNOUNCE YOUR RESOLUTION TO OTHERS. Speak of your Resolution to people and perhaps even put it online. If you don't do this, the chance of you not following through is great. Not announcing your intentions shows your lack of confidence and reluctance. Speaking out has power, it's a principle of Magic! Second Rule for Keeping Your Resolution: (Priestess) ANALYZE WHY OLD BEHAVIOR HAS SERVED YOU. Once you understand how your old habits worked for you, it's far easier to see new alternatives and healthy substitutes. This is a magical process that's revealing, healing and revolutionary! Third Rule for Keeping Your Resolution: (Empress) THERE WILL BE PAIN The laborious part of birthing is pain. It hurts to change and create. Ushering in the new and getting rid of the old is painful. We hold on to the habitual, and the more holding, the more pain. Be brave, accept the discomfort and even the agony. But it's impermanent, the pain will pass and ecstasy will come! Keep your eye and heart focused on the outcome, the most sacred thing – new life! Fourth rule for Keeping Your Resolution: (Emperor) ONE STEP AT A TIME. Take baby steps. Break your resolution down into incremental steps. Make your action and steps "doable" so that you can keep doing the do! This way you create a new "habit." Make your change a habitual part of your life. Fifth Rule for Keeping Your Resolution: (Hierophant) BE PREPARED FOR SETBACKS. Nobody is perfect, we all screw up here and there. So? Get back to your new habitual routine. Don't let setbacks take your down and feeling like you can't do it. Restart. It's a fact of life. Sixth rule for Keeping Your Resolution: (Lovers) GET ALLIES. Enlist like-minded friends. As a member of "resolutions anonymous," we all need a buddy. It's hard to do it alone. Everyone needs support and some kind of support community. If you resolve to walk, join a walking group or having a walking partner. Seventh Rule for Keeping Your Resolution: (Chariot) STAY MOTIVATED! The best and most natural way to maintain your original inspiration is "The Magician's Ritual" – a meditation in which you imagine and see yourself being successful, feel that success in your heart and body, affirm to yourself that you can and are succeeding, visualize your next immediate step, and ask the universe for help. Keep doing this. EIGHTH Rule for Keeping Your Resolution: (Balance) CHANGE YOUR ENVIRONMENT. It's difficult to quit smoking if your live or are surrounded by smokers. Alter your environment to support your new behavior. Get out of of your own personal "Dodge." Release and let go of who and what's not working for you. Get free to find your community, your place of power. NINTH Rule for Keeping Your Resolution: (Hermit) SUCCESS IS INSIDE OUT "Success Is An Inside Job." It's all about YOU! Nothing changes unless you change. If you don't take command of your life, you are powerless – unauthentic, unwhole, and become a victim, a despondent, pitiful me, aborted person. Tenth Rule for Keeping Your Resolution (Fortune) REWARD YOUR COMPLETIONS Every action and step done is a completion. Acknowledge your small fulfillment. Reward yourself. Say nice things to yourself. Do whatever it takes to be happy with what you got done. "The journey is the destination," so enjoy the journey, one step at a time, one day at a time.

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kailara

9:25a Another Year... I've been going back through my LJ posts for 2009, and there are few enough of them that I could actually reasonably run through ALL of them. Looks like most of what I wrote about this year was the house and fitness. I know there were a lot of other things going on this year, but those were what apparently absorbed most of my attention and willingness to post. But there were highlights - three weddings (sort of - since one was technically in 2008), another fun year doing Relay for Life with the Punkwalkers, the Yosemite trip and of course, the house. Granted, LJ is a very filtered lens for looking at a year, especially since my LJ is all about, well, ME and much of what has shaped my year has been about the FamDamily. There have been things that directly affected me and things that are just shared pain, but none of which would I post about because they are not mine to share in a public forum. It's been a year. Like every year, it's had it's good and bad things happen. Perhaps there's been more bad than in prior years, but there's been the overwhelming good of having such amazing people in my life to hold each other together through all that's happened. And there have been the little good things. The things that you look back over the year and they still make you smile. Seeing Half Dome from that amazing vantage point halfway up the Yosemite Falls trail for example, or singing around the campfire; all the goofy things we did for pictures for Snoopy's birthday party, moving for the last time, the "Only the Good Die Young" serenade at BayCon, parties and family dinners. All these things and more make me grateful for another year with wonderful friends who have become family. I'm looking forward to ending it with them and starting into a new decade with new hopes and dreams to build on. Happy New Year. See you all in 2010. current mood: calm

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Wednesday, December 30th, 2009

kailara

7:31p Happy New Year

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Tuesday, December 29th, 2009

sagebearz

2:24p T.I.Ps.!!! Greetings Irregulars! Shall we gather at the round table? I will be arriving at Shari's stag and a little early tonight; around 5 ish. I know I said the same thing two weeks ago but I mean it this time. I have books to read and tunes to groove too. So I will expect you when I see you. As always if you make it to the table or not you are in our thoughts and in our hearts. Love Shawn My first word for the New Year was "exsanguinate." This was probably not a good omen. ~Charlaine Harris, Dead to the World

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rosered32

1:01a Life ... Dickens was great! Dark Garden was super busy and in the first two days we have 2 custom corsets paid for in full and it just got better from there. Drew and Autumn were interviewed by SF Appeal. Got to see a bunch of people I love and help others shop for gifts for their loved ones. Christmas was good. Drew's family was wonderful and we had a lovely day. His cousin was visiting with her fiancee. They were very cute together. Also Grandma Carolyn was there too. We gave the family a copy of our wedding book that we put together as a thank you to Drew's parents and grandma. And Drew surprised me with a copy of the Wicked Grimerie, Behind the Scenes of Wicked. He was so sweet. We are excited that our 1st year anniversary is fast approaching. It has been a roller coaster of a year for us and our loved ones. So much has happened this year from pregnancies, miscarriages, marriages, break ups, lost jobs, found jobs, getting togethers, moving, building up and breaking down and books written, and deaths as well. But all of these have been part of the year that was our first as a married couple and we survived it. As 2010 approaches I will be planning a small ritual for myself to end the old year and celebrate the new year. It is what is needed for 2010. Of course I feel like we need a Monolith put up somewhere or a time capsule to be made to mark the new year and the lack of space travel or computers similar to Hal from the 2001/ 2010 movies. Silly I know but I dan still recall seeing the posters for 2010 in London when I was 15 and thinking"That is so far away." and here it is only 3 days until it is 2010. It is so unbelievable that it is 2010. Time to head to bed and get through the rest of the week. Sleep well LJ.

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Sunday, December 27th, 2009

kailara

12:01a Quote of the Night "I remember when parties I went to ended with an orgy. Now we sit around making Excel spreadsheets." ETA: You're only as old as the people you feel - we're either 31.7 years old or 24 depending on how you look at it.

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Wednesday, December 23rd, 2009

rosered32

5:27p Happy Birthday Paco! Love you!

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kailara

8:25a Happy Thoughts snoopyh42 is encouraging a a frenzy of complements over on his LJ. It's been a long month/year - go say something nice to someone you know. :)

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rosered32

1:53a Snoopy posted a great post, but I am unable to complete it tonight. Ah well sleepy time. Live is good and more will be posted once I get some sleep! Hugs LJ.

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